Solo Vacation
With summer’s arrival, most single parents are struggling with thoughts of how to juggle vacation schedules with the ex, arrange daycare for their elementary-age kids, or keep their teenagers busy and out of trouble. Very few are perusing the pages of Condé Nast travel magazine to plan their next solo exotic getaway. Yet if there is any group of people on earth who deserve and need a little personal time away, it’s the single parent.
Before you discount the idea of taking a vacation alone, throw out the stereotypes you have about what vacation is or should be, and begin to think about taking some “growth” time off to explore your interests and meet new people.
One of the biggest mistakes single parents make when they get the opportunity to take a solo vacation is to decide to work longer hours instead. See if this scenario sounds familiar:
Your kids’ other parent has big plans for them this summer. He or she is going to take them away to Disney World for a week and you’re depressed because you can’t afford a vacation like that with them. So you figure you’ll just spend the time you have alone working longer hours and getting more accomplished on the job. Wrong! The kids come home energized and happy, and they find you stressed, depressed, and overworked.
So how will you rejuvenate and re-energize? Before you begin thinking about where you will go and how much it will cost, you must decide that taking time off to grow is a necessary part of single parenthood.
Secondly, you need to look at your budget realistically and determine how much you can spend without going into major debt. Far worse than not taking a vacation is coming home from one with a big credit card bill. If you are on an extremely tight budget with very little disposable income, don’t reject the idea of taking some growth time off. You will just have to be a little more creative and disciplined.
While the kids are gone, plan each day with something special in mind. If you like to read and enjoy peace and quiet, spend a day at the library looking at books you don’t usually have time to open. Schedule times to spend with a friend window-shopping or having a picnic in the park. If you’re athletic, plan a bicycle tour. If you like music or art, visit a local museum. If you are a movie buff, go to a discount theater. The key is to plan each day with something special in mind and make a vow not to do any housework or menial chores at home.
If you have a little bit to spend, maybe you can eat out with a different friend every night or spring for a nice hotel room nearby (pamper yourself with room service!). Whatever you do, plan to spend some of the time alone and some time with others — even if it’s a group you’ve never been with before. Look in your local newspaper for group ideas such as church singles outings, local site-seeing tours, or learn something new by attending a cooking seminar or weekend art class. If you plan ahead, you can fill each day with something that will energize you and stimulate personal growth.
Now, if you want to get a little more adventurous and have some money to spend, there are vacations galore out there, from Caribbean cruises to Dude Ranch experiences that cater specifically to single people. Here’s just a sample of some interesting things you can do:
• Volunteering: Believe it or not, some people actually find helping others an extremely relaxing growth experience. Church mission trips and American Red Cross programs are a great way to reach out to others while seeing remote parts of the world. Contact your local church or chapter of the American Red Cross for more information. Costs are usually inexpensive and can sometimes be raised through obtaining sponsorships.
• Outdoor Adventures: The Sierra Club is just one organization that offers a variety of choices for people who like to spend time in a natural setting. Check them out on the web at https://content.sierraclub.org/outings/trip-type/service-volunteer. Pricing for outings is inexpensive and often free!
• State and National Parks: You can often find great and affordable vacation options at the local state or national parks right in your area. Google state and national parks to see a variety of options.
• Railroading: AMTRAK has a vast array of customized vacation packages if you like to see the countryside rather than the highway. Go to www.amtrak.com for more information. Pricing is fairly inexpensive for what you get to see.
• Dude Ranches: If you’re drawn to the rough and ready, you might find this to be of particular interest. Some are rougher than others and many are large resorts that include activities such as white water rafting, cattle round-ups, fishing, and canoeing. Go to http://www.top20ranches.com/ for details on more than 20 choices. Pricing is moderate to expensive.
• The Spa Experience: Want to relieve stress and rejuvenate your body? Take a vacation that caters to your health or beauty. Everything from exercise instruction to full body massages is sure to renew your self-confidence. And the spa doesn’t have to be far from home. Even one day of pampering is revitalizing!
The choices are endless. You can take a cruise, go to the beach, rent a lake cabin, or spend your vacation learning to sail, ski, cook, speak French, scuba dive, or fly-fish. Whatever you decide to do, make it something that will bring you back to reality refreshed and renewed. Remember, a better you is a better parent to your kids.
Diane C. Dierks is a marriage and family therapist in Atlanta, Georgia. She is author of “Solo Parenting: Raising Strong and Happy Families” (Fairview Press, 1997) and “The Co-Parent Tool Box” (Aha! Publishing, 2014). For more information, find her on the web at www.dianedierks.com or like her Facebook page at www.facebook.com/divorcehealing.