Simple or Extravagant, All A Party Has To Do Is Make A Child Feel Special
When I was growing up, birthday parties were held at home with Pin The Tail On The Donkey and Musical Chairs as the standard entertainment, plus a few other homemade games — if your parents were particularly creative. This was followed by singing “Happy Birthday To You” over cake and ice cream, blowing out the candles on your cake to the accompaniment of paper party blowers, which unfurled and tooted in your ears. The grand finale was the opening of gifts, over which everyone “oohed” and “aahed.” There were no “goodie bags” that I can recall, just the prizes awarded to those who won the games. (Yes, the games were competitive, and there were actually winners and losers.)
The latest movie character and his sidekicks were not emblazoned on the tablecloth nor the paper plates or balloons — probably because there weren’t very many “kid movies” around in those days, and the marketing bonanza brought on by the multitude of characters kids are bombarded with today simply didn’t exist.
Once you got a little older, lunch might have been added to your birthday party, before or after some dancing to music from records playing on the stereo.
Those parties were simple and probably sound very old-fashioned to you, but in the 50s and 60s, they were what made every kid happy. And, when I think back, the phrase “stressed out” was never uttered by any mom I knew in connection with planning a birthday party.
As I write this, I’m reminded of the line in the song “The Way We Were,” from the movie of the same name, that says, “Can it be that it was all so simple then…”
The answer is a resounding YES.
Children were happy, satisfied, and felt loved with LESS.
Today, birthdays have become extravaganzas. Parents feel pressured to impress not only their child, but an entire neighborhood or classroom full of kids. And the pressure increases, year after year, as you try to top the previous year’s party theme.
This is where I say STOP, and take a step back. Reassess your priorities as a family, financial and otherwise, and realistically assess what would truly make your child happy on his or her birthday.
If you’ve been hosting extravaganzas for years now, it’s hard to return to a simpler mode of celebrating. But, if you’re a new parent, remember that the pattern you set from a young age is what will form your child’s expectations for future years. Be forewarned, I’ve heard too many birthday-weary parents say that they spent so much time planning a party and making sure the spectacular event went well, that they really didn’t get to enjoy it with their child — and the whole thing stressed them out to the max.
Don’t just take my word for it. Says Martha Stewart, “Birthday parties are like road trips: getting there is half the fun. Deciding on the theme, decorations, and activities makes the days leading up to the event seem like part of the celebration itself. It needn’t be elaborate — kids will be happy with a small party as long as they are made to feel special.”
Now, I’m not suggesting that you go back to the “dark ages” of the 50s and 60s, but I do have some suggestions, gained from decades of party experience with my own two children, who are now adults.
The 1st Birthday
This wonderful milestone celebration is really for the grownups, as your little one won’t remember it, except by seeing the photos you take on this special day. A one-year-old, wearing a party hat and a special 1st Birthday Bib, mashing his or her adorable face into a cupcake, or grabbing a little fistful of cake, is a classic shot you just have to catch!
You worked hard having that baby and getting through the first year as a new parent, so have fun with personalized invitations and photo props ordered online, a custom cake, and anything else that makes MOM and DAD happy — grandparents, too — for this occasion!
Toddlers & Preschoolers
At this stage of childhood, some kids thrive on lots of action and others are very shy and reluctant to leave their parent’s side or play games. Too much celebration can send them into an overtired crying jag that will break your heart after all your careful party planning. Hold a party for this age group in the morning or after nap time.
Keep your party short and invite only a small number of guests — the often-used rule is the age of your child plus one equals the number of guests — and be prepared to invite parents to stay with their child, whether you plan a party at home or at a party place. You might also ask grandparents or aunts and uncles to help so that you have backup.
Children this age don’t have large appetites, so non-messy finger foods and cupcakes work best. Themes abound for this age group, and through the wonder of Google you can surely find one that suits your child. At this age, kids change their mind frequently, so this is one situation where planning too far ahead isn’t the best idea.
One concern that has arisen since the 50s and 60s is the prevalence of food allergies. When planning a party for any age, be sure to ask parents to alert you to any food allergies their child may have so you can plan accordingly.
School-Age Kids
Once kids start kindergarten, they often want to invite their whole class to their birthday party. This is often impossible when it comes to the family budget, and some classrooms prohibit distributing party invitations in the classroom unless everyone is invited.
After assessing your budget and deciding whether you want to have a party at home, at a party place — or a combination of the two (i.e., going to play mini-golf followed by snacks, cake, and ice cream afterwards back at home) — tell your child how many guests you can afford to invite and help him make a list of the friends or classmates he would choose within the limit you set.
Today’s two-career families have busy schedules, so while you’re still in the planning stages, you might want to check with the parents of your child’s two or three best friends to see if they’ll be available on the date you’re considering for the party.
School-age kids are old enough to choose a theme, but don’t be afraid to say “no” if something is too difficult or too expensive to replicate. Instead, offer alternatives or ways to use the theme in a less complicated way.
Get your child to help with the party arrangements — helping make the invitations, whether by hand or on the computer, making decorations, coming up with ideas for games, or assembling the goodie bags.
I’ve found that I always had too much food to serve at parties — kids get so excited being with their friends, playing games and talking, that not much food actually gets consumed — a lot is left on their plates — so keep your menu simple, both for the sake of not wasting food and keeping the mess to a minimum.
Be prepared with an extra activity or two in case your party games progress faster than planned. A group of rambunctious kids can quickly get out of hand if they don’t have someone directing them in an activity, and chaos can ensue which can lead to someone getting hurt.
Be sure your invitations clearly state the party’s start time and end time. If your party starts at noon, guests will expect lunch, so plan your timing accordingly. Whether you’re holding the party at home or at a party place, when parents are dropping kids off, remind them of the pick-up time by saying something like, “Thanks for bringing her. We’ll see you at 4 o’clock!”
Tweens & Teens
By the time kids reach this age, parties take on a whole new complexity. Should it be a girls only party? Boys only? Boys and girls? Or perhaps your child would rather invite two good friends out to lunch at a fun place with a movie afterward.
My daughter always enjoyed having a party with friends as she was growing up; first just girls, then as a teen, boys were included — always with plenty of parent supervision, of course. Her birthday is in late October, so we always had Halloween-themed costume parties, which were always a big hit, as kids never get to wear their costumes enough for Halloween. My son was just the opposite. He didn’t care for parties. He was content to invite a couple of friends along to do something like mini-golf or visit a gaming arcade.
If you’ve set up a good party planning routine with your child during his younger years, this is where it will really pay off, as teens can be mercurial and insistent when it comes to what they want for their celebration.
The old saying “Everything in moderation,” when applied to birthday parties in your child’s growing up years is probably very good advice. Your bank account will not be depleted, your sanity will remain intact, and your child will have many memorable birthdays to look back on in the years to come.
Michele Miller is the founder, editor, and publisher of WNY Family. She is the grandmother of Dexter, 10, and Lucy, 6, who have had amazingly creative birthday parties at home, as well as party place celebrations.