Raising children in a technology-rich culture has radically changed the types of issues that parents may face. Sexting, cyberbullying, and privacy issues are just some examples of the challenges faced by modern parents. Many of those issues surround a child’s access to technology. More specifically, “What exactly is the right age to give your son or daughter a smartphone?”
This is one of those questions that seems to come up almost every time I have a conversation with a group of parents around technology use. My wife and I continue to have this discussion in our own home as well. We have three children, all under the age of twelve. Our oldest received a phone when he was ten. Ten years old initially seemed a bit early to us. However, after doing some research, we discovered the average age for getting a smartphone in America is 10.3 years.
Age is just a number, though, and it should not be the deciding factor in such a significant decision. After thinking, researching, and speaking with colleagues, age shouldn’t be part of the conversation at all. Nevertheless, this is not a decision to be taken lightly. Let’s look at all of the factors that come into play when considering a smartphone for your child.
Do Not Take This Decision Lightly
As adults, we often forget how powerful a smartphone can be. We have become so accustomed to having one that panic quickly sets in when your phone goes missing, even for the briefest of moments. Parents need to be overwhelmingly clear about the magnitude of this decision.
While using a smartphone, your child can create and distribute images, videos, and text to a global audience even without a cellular data plan. Creating and sending a video to a friend could easily result in that same friend uploading the video to Twitter, YouTube, or any number of media outlets. The thrill of getting likes or hits online can be too tempting to pass up. The distribution is virtually unlimited, and once content has been placed online, it can be nearly impossible to remove.
Posting videos or images online can lead to more significant bullying, shaming, and similar concerns. Also, the GPS and location data along with the potential for unintentional oversharing by your child can be used by predators who seek to communicate or even harm a child.
These are just a few of the ways this decision can impact your child’s life. This isn’t meant to scare you (although it should). Instead, it is a reminder that this is not an easy decision to make.
Questions to Ask Yourself
There are countless resources online that give guidelines for parents who are considering getting their children a smartphone. However, common themes arise when you take the time to read through all of the material available.
- How does the child handle tablets and gaming systems now? When asked to wrap up, do they comply with ease, or is it a constant battle? Do they appear to obsess over electronics now? If the relationship with technology isn’t healthy now, providing them with a smartphone will only compound the problem.
- A smartphone is an avenue for quick and easy communication with their peers. Is there a positive social benefit for this in your household?
- Does your child lose things quickly? A smartphone is an expensive item to misplace.
- Have you taught your son or daughter about the ethical, responsible use of a smartphone? For example, do they know not to use the phone to belittle or embarrass others? Do they understand the implications of bullying, sexting, and oversharing?
- Are you going to use an application or device to monitor the usage? (Hint: YES!)
These questions are designed to help parents begin to think through the decision. I would encourage all parents to do additional research through sites like Common Sense Media and ConnectSafely.
Next Steps
You’ve done the research, had the hard conversations, and have decided to give your son or daughter a smartphone. Now what? Here are some next steps to consider before handing over the device.
- Create a set of rules together. Sit down with your soon to be smartphone owner and develop a set of guidelines for using the device. There are several templates online that can be used as a starting point. It is essential to include your child in the creation of these rules and the consequences of an infraction. Encouraging them to be a part of the process will lead to them having buy-in to the plan. The rules and outcomes for misuse may differ for each child in your household, and that’s okay. The guideline should be tailored to the individual instead of a one-size fits-all approach. Lastly, be mindful of flexibility when creating these guidelines. Don’t be too rigid. Give them room to grow and adapt over time.
- Model the behavior you expect of your kids. For example, if the rules you create stipulate no smartphone use at the dinner table, you need to put your phone away during that time as well.
- Finally, don’t allow the smartphone to take away from quality, face to face interactions with your children. This is some of the best advice I found when researching. It is far too easy to allow a text message’s quick back and forth convenience to replace real dialogue. Remember to focus on the quality of conversations you’re having, not the quantity. In my opinion, one strong interaction is much better than ten weaker ones.
In Conclusion
The question “What exactly is the right age to give your son or daughter a smartphone?” is misleading. The answer doesn’t lie in the age of the child. The better question to ask would be, “Is my child developmentally ready for this responsibility?”
Smartphones have become part of everyday life. As parents, you need to educate your son or daughter on appropriate, ethical smartphone use. Everyone involved needs to understand the potential risks when going down this path. Parents should work with their young adults to develop a flexible set of rules and consequences to ensure correct usage. Providing your son or daughter with a smartphone can be positive for everyone in the house when the proper support strategies are in place.
Mike Daugherty is a husband, father of three young children, author, speaker, Google Innovator, and possible Starbucks addict. He is a certified educational technology leader who has served in a variety of roles through his twenty-year career in public education. Currently, Mike is the Director of Technology for the Chagrin Falls Exempted Village School district in Northeast Ohio. As an IT director he has developed creative, well thought out solutions that positively impact teaching and learning.