Confidence and Joy: Essentials for Children with Learning Differences

Confidence and joy are to the development of a child as air is to life!

Every child has a right to and deserves to experience confidence and joy in order to grow, achieve, and prosper. It’s the responsibility of parents and professionals to get our children from little people to big people with confidence and joy in their hearts. It’s as simple as that, and it’s absolutely essential! But children with learning differences are often robbed of their confidence and joy.

What does different mean? It seems as if educators, parents and our culture have interpreted “different” to be negative, or somehow wrong, rather than what it is: different! There are so many different children in classrooms across America who are bright, talented and gifted, but who feel bad about themselves because so much emphasis is put on the negative perception of being different.

The reality is that all children are different! The problem is that, rather than understanding all children are different, children are expected to all learn and behave in the same way. When this notion becomes the norm, then different is perceived as special, and not necessarily in a good way.

What does it mean to have a learning difference?

To be clear, a learning difference does not mean a disability or a disorder. It means a different way of learning. Typically, traditional teaching styles and methods don’t work with students with learning differences because of the way their brains are wired. When traditional teaching methods are not successful, it doesn’t mean that these children can’t learn. It simply means that they have their own way of learning. It’s the responsibility of educators and professionals to determine how a child best learns and to use that style consistently.

Children with learning differences struggle in school. Often, they’re bright students, yet struggle with learning core subjects like reading, spelling, and math. They also struggle with self-confidence. They struggle to be successful. They may struggle with making and keeping friends.

All too often the learning regimen is never altered to assist the child. Simple modifications, such as breaking instructions down into individual steps or facilitating a transition from one lesson to the next, could make a world of difference. But if the teacher persists without making needed changes that address the child’s learning difference, the risk for failure is immense.

Unfortunately, their struggles make them feel bad about themselves and can affect their desire to learn. They watch as their peers easily master subjects that they just aren’t able to grasp, despite trying their hardest. Their lack of success with learning robs them of confidence and joy.

How does the daily struggle with learning affect overall well-being?

When adults are in environments or situations where they fail and lose confidence, they simply choose to not do it. They walk away and do something else that they can master and feel successful in doing. Children can’t do that. Constant academic struggles that result in failure and a lack of success are huge destroyers of confidence and joy in children with learning differences.

Confidence and joy are essential to any child’s overall well-being. Yet, allowing these children to become confident learners and joyful children is upstaged by a classroom focus on meeting academic standards. For the typical learner this is not a problem. But for children with learning differences who struggle every day, it’s an enormous problem. They begin to lose self-esteem. Major anxiety can set in and create other problems, such as refusing to go to school, and physical symptoms, including stomach aches or headaches. Feelings of “I’m not good enough” and “I’m stupid” can be a part of a child’s daily self-talk. Acting out from frustration can result when the child with a learning difference is kept in the classroom during recess to finish an assignment that continues to make no sense.

Daily struggles chip away at a child’s confidence and overall joy. This will result in a child’s unwillingness to attempt new activities or learning opportunities, or even desire to go to school. Who can blame them for thinking or saying “I hate school” or “I never get things right”? To make all of this worse, these children often find it difficult to make or keep friends, and then parents hear, “No one likes me.” When this happens, it’s a sure indication that confidence and joy robbers have struck again!

Success begets success.

Success is synergistically tied to confidence and joy. A successful child loves to learn and becomes a joyful learner. A confident child knows that, “Even if I mess up the first time, there will be more times to get it right.” Confident children are children who take risks. They feel good about themselves and are willing to raise a hand in class to answer a question or participate in discussions. The confident child will explore, invite new knowledge and grow from experiencing success.

Building confidence and joy in children with learning differences is essential to their emotional and overall well-being. Confidence and joy are antidotes for anxiety! If emphasis is placed on academic achievement and “scores,” with little concern for the child’s self-esteem, the child is robbed of confidence and happiness. It’s assumed that when the learning finally happens, then confidence and happiness will come. This just isn’t the case for the learning different child. There will always be something new they will have to attempt to master -- something new with which they must struggle.

Tips for Parents

Building confidence and joy in children with learning differences needs to be strategic and intentional. Here are some valuable tips for parents who want to help their children with learning differences experience success, confidence and joy, despite their academic struggles:

  • Collaborate with your child’s teacher and other educational professionals. Determine your child’s learning strengths. Identify any specific skill weaknesses that are interfering with your child’s success. Enlist the counsel of outside professionals who have expertise with learning differences and can recommend remedial programs, therapies or interventions that can strengthen skill weaknesses.
  • Involve your child in new and engaging activities that allow for success. Discover your child’s learning style, interests, and natural talents and find activities or opportunities where your child is able to shine. Create learning experiences that allow your child to successfully realize not only his or her natural gifts and talents, but also explore and develop new ones.
  • Go to bat for your child. Parents are the best advocates for their children. Parents know their children better than anyone else. You know what the effects of learning struggles have had on your child’s confidence and self-esteem. You know what makes your child happy and what robs him or her of confidence and joy. You know what makes your child tick! Use this information to push for the activities, opportunities, resources and people that your child needs in order to succeed.
  • Build communities of support for your child. Find activities and environments where your child can be challenged, grow, learn, and experience success. Too often, children with learning differences will stick to what they’re comfortable and familiar with. Help them move beyond their comfort level and experience new possibilities. Consider different sports, dance, music, visual arts, service organizations, youth groups and clubs.  Not only will this create new learning opportunities, but also a new way to experience success, confidence and happiness.

Every child deserves to experience success, confidence and joy! Utilize these practical tips to develop a happy child and happy parents!

Dr. Deborah Ross-Swain is a licensed speech-language pathologist and CEO of the Swain Center for Listening, Communicating and Learning. Dr. Elaine Fogel Schneider is CEO of TouchTime® International and bestselling author of “7 Strategies for Raising Calm, Inspired, & Successful Children.” Drs. Swain and Schneider’s new book, Confidence & Joy: Success Strategies for Kids with Learning Differences (Crescendo Publishing, Nov. 1, 2018), provides parents and educators with tools to help children with learning differences realize lifelong success. Learn more at confidencejoy.com.