As the holiday season approaches, celebrations will be in full swing, albeit down-sized due to COVID. Family get-togethers, office parties, and neighborhood soirees are sure to bring lots of yummy food, laughs, and a bit of stress. As much fun as holiday parties are, they can also be a challenge. Especially if you have a child with special needs. The concept of holiday gatherings is great, but as the parent of a child with multiple disabilities, I found them overwhelming. Schedules, sweets, and worrying about my child having fun outweighed my ability to be in the moment. But after years of experience, I’ve finally figured out how to make them work for my family. Hopefully, some of these solutions can help.
PROBLEM ONE: Timing
Children on the spectrum or with anxiety issues may struggle with schedule interference. Or, medication may need to be dispensed at specific times.
Solution #1: Discuss concerns with the host prior to the event. Is there a quiet room your child can use for refuge? Just make sure to bring the books, blanket, or smart device your child may need. Having a designated quiet place can also be used to dispense medication privately. When you arrive, show the space to your child so they understand there is a plan in place. Just having the option may alleviate some of the anxiety.
Solution #2: If your child struggles with impromptu events, discuss the party ahead of time. Practice by going to a family or neighbor’s house. Discuss the emotions your child/teen had before, during, and after each visit. Just discussing this may ease the nerves of the upcoming party. Have a pre-planned leave time to help your child/teen understand the event is finite. Make sure to stick to the leave time so your child trusts you in the future!
Solution #3: Find a babysitter. It can be defeating when your child/teen cannot make it to a party that should be fun. That said, you deserve a night out as well. Give your child/teen a pass and let them miss the party.
PROBLEM TWO: Food
All the processed party foods and sweets can have drastic impacts for some kids.
Solution #1: Begin buying healthy foods and making healthier-than-normal meals at home. You can’t control what is provided in classrooms and parties, but you can control the protein and sugar content in your own kitchen. On the day of a party, pay particular attention to your child’s diet. Then maybe your child can indulge a little bit during the party.
Solution #2: Bring safe desserts. Bring enough for all, and brag about your nutritious family lifestyle!
Solution #3: Talk with the host, and other guests if it’s comfortable for you. No, they might not understand, but maybe they will. It’s not fair to dictate the whole menu, but it is fair to raise the awareness of others.
PROBLEM THREE: Fitting In
Parties with friends and family are a great way to bond, but also a great way to recognize who doesn’t fit in at all.
Solution #1: Do try and talk to trusted friends and family. Maybe each person can take turns spending time with your child. Better yet, if there are other gentle, trustworthy children, bring them in to the discussion and explain the best way to play with your child.
Solution #2: Let your kid hang with the grownups. Some children prefer adults. And while not all adults like this, who cares. At the same time, children do need to learn that not all conversations are meant for children. Choose the appropriate times to encourage your child to talk or play near other children.
Solution #3: Maybe your child is okay with not talking/playing with other kids. Just because your child is alone doesn’t mean they are bothered by it. Make sure there is actually a problem before you try and solve something.
I’ve arrived at an event only to leave ten minutes later. And I’ve also watched my child get lost in a game with others or find a friend that needed an audience. The important thing is that we keep trying. One never knows what surprises the holidays may bring!
Julia Garstecki is a special educator and the parent of a child with special needs. She works at Daemen College in the Student Success Center. She is available for speaking engagements and author visits. Contact her at julia@juliagarstecki.com and follow her on twitter @juliagarstecki.