I flipped through the book, turning page after page. I was looking for the secret that would finally help me find a routine that worked for my newborn and for me. One that had sleep times and feeding times neatly laid out. One that would offer a few times that I could get some of the laundry that was piling up washed, dried, and folded. As I searched the book that promised answers, the only thing I felt was defeated.
Life with a newborn is anything but by the book. You hear the jokes about how all babies do is eat, sleep, and poop, and long to follow the advice to sleep when the baby sleeps, but how do you actually make it all happen? How do you survive the early weeks of life with a baby without feeling like the routine that is meant to help is only causing stress?
IS A ROUTINE EVEN POSSIBLE?
After having three kids in three and a half years, I learned a few things about what worked and what didn’t work in those early days. The good news? Finding a routine is possible. The bad news? It may look different than you expect.
People often think of creating a routine as a checklist with a schedule. And in a world before babies, that works. But babies have needs that stretch beyond checkboxes and rigid schedules. This doesn’t mean a routine is impossible.
Instead of looking at a routine as rigidly connected to times, the best thing you can do is think about routine as a series of events that you work toward.
10 TIPS TO HELP YOU CREATE A LOW-STRESS ROUTINE FOR YOU AND YOUR NEWBORN
1. Set Realistic Expectations:
Understand that routines with newborns need to be flexible and may take time to establish. Be realistic about what you can and should get done each day. The most important thing is getting you and your baby fed, rested, and cared for each day.
2. Follow Baby’s Cues:
Newborns have their own rhythms for feeding, sleeping, and being awake. And every baby is different. Pay attention to these cues to help establish a natural routine.
3. Establish a Bedtime Routine:
Even from a young age, a consistent bedtime routine can help signal your baby that it’s time to wind down. This might include a bath, a gentle massage, and a bedtime story.
4. Create a Feeding Schedule:
While newborn feeding schedules can vary, establishing a routine around feeding times can help create predictability for both baby and parents. In the early days, feeding on-demand is typically recommended. You can create a mini-routine that you follow whenever you feed. For example:
- Create a Calm Environment
- Wake up and Diaper Check
- Feed the Baby
- Take a Burp Break
- Finish Feeding
- Final Burping
- Transition to the Next Activity (Nap, Play, or Snuggles)
5. Share Responsibilities:
If possible, share caregiving responsibilities with your partner or other family members to prevent burnout and allow for breaks. Offer tips for them to follow the routine, but don’t get stuck on keeping it rigid. Sometimes the help is more important than the specifics of the routine.
6. Prioritize Sleep for Everyone:
Sleep is crucial for baby and parents. Try to nap when your baby naps and don’t hesitate to ask for help with household chores. This can feel hard, but it is helpful.
7. Stay Flexible:
Be open to adjusting routines as your baby grows and their needs change. Give a routine a little time to see if it is helpful. If it is making things harder for you or the baby, be flexible. Flexibility can reduce stress for everyone involved.
8. Take Care of Yourself:
Remember to prioritize self-care. A well-rested and emotionally supported parent is better able to handle the demands of a newborn. Try to make times when you can’t sleep as restful as possible. This could look like taking a shower or playing calming music to help you relax.
9. Seek Support:
Joining parent groups or talking with other parents can provide valuable tips and emotional support during this transition. If that feels like a lot of work, try talking to one or two friends about how you are doing.
10. Enjoy the Moments:
Amidst the routine-building, cherish the precious moments with your newborn. They grow quickly, and these early days are special, even if they feel hard.
ROUTINES YOU CAN TRY
Structured Routine (For Parents Who Thrive on Predictability)
This routine follows a consistent schedule with regular feeding, sleeping, and playtime to establish a sense of order.
Example:
7:00 AM: Wake up, diaper change, morning feed
8:00 AM: Tummy time & gentle play
8:30 AM: Nap
10:00 AM: Diaper change, feeding
10:30 AM: Walk outside or babywearing around the house
11:30 AM: Nap
1:00 PM: Feeding, diaper change
1:30 PM: Storytime, music, or sensory play
2:30 PM: Nap
4:00 PM: Feeding, diaper change
4:30 PM: Bonding time with siblings or partner
5:30 PM: Catnap
6:30 PM: Evening feeding, bath, baby massage
7:00 PM: Bedtime routine (dim lights, lullabies, last feed)
2-3 Nighttime Feeds as Needed
Best for: Parents who prefer structure and predictability but remain flexible for baby’s needs.
Baby-Led Routine (For Parents Who Prefer Flexibility)
This routine follows the baby’s natural cues rather than a strict clock-based schedule.
Example:
Morning: Baby wakes up naturally → diaper change → feeding → cuddle time
Mid-Morning: Nap when baby shows sleepy cues (yawning, rubbing eyes) → short tummy time/play when awake
Afternoon: Feeding on demand → babywearing or stroller walk if baby is alert → nap whenever baby is tired
Evening: Gentle bath if baby enjoys it → quiet bonding time → final feed before sleep
Overnight: Feed as needed → diaper change if necessary → back to sleep
Best for: Parents who prefer to follow their baby’s needs rather than sticking to a set schedule.
Night-Focused Routine (For Parents Wanting Better Night Sleep)
This routine prioritizes nighttime sleep by ensuring daytime naps aren’t too long and reinforcing bedtime cues.
Example:
7:00 AM: Wake up, diaper change, feeding
8:00 AM: Short playtime, fresh air exposure
9:00 AM: Nap (limit to 1.5-2 hours)
11:00 AM: Feeding, diaper change, floor time
12:30 PM: Nap (again, limit to 1.5-2 hours)
2:30 PM: Feeding, light stimulation (music, sensory toys)
4:00 PM: Catnap (shorter, around 45 min)
5:30 PM: Feeding, dimming lights to start winding down
6:30 PM: Bath, massage, bedtime story
7:00 PM: Last feeding in a dark room before bed
Overnight: Try to differentiate night feedings by keeping lights dim and avoiding extra stimulation
Best for: Parents trying to encourage longer stretches of nighttime sleep as early as possible.
IMPORTANT FINAL TIP ABOUT ROUTINES WITH A NEWBORN
Each baby is different, so you may need to experiment with different routines or combine elements from each. It is always advised to consult with your baby’s doctor to create the best plan for you and your baby. Remember, you don’t need to do this alone. Use the support around you to create the routine that works best for you and your baby.
Rebecca Hastings is a former elementary teacher who traded the classroom for writing when she stayed home with her three children. Passionate about authenticity, faith, and family, you can find her at RebeccaHastings.net and on Amazon. In real life, she can often be found typing words, driving her kids places, or wherever there is chocolate.