Raising Digital Kids: Continuous Partial Attention
Smartphones have revolutionized the way we communicate, do business, exercise, and so much more. It is hard to imagine a world without these amazingly connected, helpful devices. There is a tradeoff for all of these digital conveniences, though.
A study from 2017 found that the average American adult cannot go much more than 10 minutes without looking at their smartphone. This means, on average, we check our phones over eighty times each day.
This fact did not surprise me as much as it probably should have. It’s probably safe to say we are all guilty of this at some level. As a coach, I cannot count the number of times I’ve witnessed a parent miss a great play/shot/block from their son or daughter because they were looking at their phone during a game. Even smaller moments at home may go unnoticed due to a distracting text, disruptive chirp, or some other interrupting notification. We often talk about technology addiction in children, but as adults, what message are we sending our kids when we are always pulling out our phones?
Aside from missing moments in our kid’s lives, another study looked at the interaction between caregivers and children during mealtime as it related to technology usage. A direct quote from the findings:
“Caregivers absorbed in devices frequently ignored the child’s behavior for a while and then reacted with a scolding tone of voice, gave repeated instructions in a somewhat robotic manner (e.g., without looking at the child or relevant to child behavior), seemed insensitive to the child’s expressed needs, or used physical responses.”
I think we can all relate to this as well. No one is perfect. You pull out your phone to check something and get engrossed in what you’re doing. It can be frustrating when you get interrupted, and that frustration can manifest itself in a variety of ways.
I am not suggesting that everyone is addicted to their smartphone or that we should all go back to the rotary phones of the 80s. After reading quite a few articles during my research for this column, I do believe that “distracted parenting” or “continuous partial attention” is harming our kids. There are ways to help control some of these bad habits, so you can have a healthy phone/life balance.
Prioritize Time with Your Children
Set aside time each day to spend phone-free time with your kids. Ideally, please leave your phone at home and take them outside. Go on a walk, hike, or bike ride. Play a game of basketball or catch. Can’t go out? Play a board game or cook with them. Find an activity each day that you can do where you can set your phone aside.
Putting your phone away for an hour or two sounds easy, but it is harder than you think. The average person would check their phone twelve times during that two hours. If you can’t bear to leave your phone behind or you don’t feel safe without it, make sure you turn off your notifications so you can enjoy the time, distraction-free. Putting your phone in airplane mode is even better as it eliminates all pings, calls, and notifications.
If you do need your phone during this time, clearly explain why you are using it. For example, “Let’s use this to look up the ingredients we need for this recipe.” or “We should call Grandma for her opinion.”
Social Media “Office Hours”
We love our peeks into our friend’s lives, but those glances shouldn’t take away from your life. Choose a time during the day when you plan to check social media instead of checking it frequently throughout the day. One article I read referred to these as office hours. Pick a time while the kids nap, after they leave for school, or after they fall asleep to get your Instagram, Twitter, and/or Facebook fix.
Eye Contact
Making eye contact is extremely important when having a conversation with your children. It shows them that you are present. Whatever you two are talking about is more important than the rest of the world around them. It is difficult to make good eye contact when you are staring at the screen in your hand. Be mindful of this and put your phone down when speaking/listening to your children.
There’s An App for That
Kevin Holesh, a software developer in California, recognized the impact his smartphone was having on his relationships. He created “Moment” to combat the everyday distractions of our digital devices. Moment “helps people disconnect from their phones and get back their time.”
The app uses a coaching model to help teach you better technology habits. You start by selecting your goal or goals. Some example options are “Get More Family Time,” “Sleep Better,” and “Stop Wasting Time.” From there, Moment will monitor your usage and provide tips to help you achieve your goals.
Moment even offers a family option that allows you to track your family’s usage across a variety of devices. Parents can use this to set screen time limits in addition to merely monitoring usage.
Moment Coach is a paid feature inside the app that takes things to the next level. The Coach add-in allows you to select courses that are designed to help you re-imagine your relationship with your phone. The classes are anywhere from three to fourteen days. I’d suggest starting with the Phone Bootcamp class. According to the website, Moment Coach users “gain an hour back each day by following simple strategies” and those who completed the bootcamp saved an average of twelve and half hours during that time.
In Conclusion
It is a fact that our society’s reliance on digital devices is increasing. Adults are effortlessly and unintentionally forming bad habits when it comes to how they use these devices. Awareness is the first step toward correcting the problem. Use the steps outlined in this column to lessen the grip that technology has on your time, your relationships, and your family.
Mike Daugherty is a husband, father of three young children, author, speaker, Google Innovator, and possible Starbucks addict. He is a certified educational technology leader who has served in a variety of roles through his eighteen-year career in public education. Currently, Mike is the Director of Technology for the Chagrin Falls Exempted Village School district in Northeast Ohio. As an IT director he has developed creative, well thought out solutions that positively impact teaching and learning.