What to know about Sexting
When you were in school, kids passed flirtatious or even racy notes to people they liked. Sometimes those notes got dropped on the floor or confiscated by the teacher and, before long, everyone was gossiping between classes about what was supposed to be a private message.
Now add a cellphone with a camera and Internet access to that scenario. Suddenly, the scene is set for sexting, which is the newly minted word for sending or posting nude or semi-nude photos, videos and messages.
While parents have been preoccupied with predators who might seduce their children online, a surprising number of teens have been volunteering to send sexual pictures of themselves to their friends.
Survey results released in February 2017 by the Cyberbullying Research Center (https://cyberbullying.org/new-teen-sexting-data) found that 12% of students we surveyed said they had sent an explicit image of themselves to another person at some point in their lifetime. About 4% said they had done it within the last month. Similarly, about 19% said they had received a sexually explicit image from someone else at some point in their lifetime (about 6% within the last month). As expected, older students were more likely to report that they had participated in sexting. Almost one out of every five seventeen year-olds had sent an explicit image of themselves to someone else at some point in their lifetime, compared to less than 6% of twelve year-olds. The fact that twelve year-olds are participating in sexting at all, however, highlights the need to address this behavior earlier than most people would have thought.
Sending sexy pictures doesn’t necessarily mean teens are having more sex. Statistics indicate that more than half of all teens delay their first sexual encounter until after high school, a significant increase from 10 years ago. Of the teens who send provocative pictures, most share them with a boyfriend or a girlfriend on the often mistaken assumption that they will stay private. Some think of nude pictures as a special present; others send them as joke. Only a small minority (15 percent) say they have sent risque photos to someone they didn’t know in real life.
Despite their claim that these photos and messages are simply for “fun,” three quarters of the teens surveyed think sending provocative content “can have serious negative consequences.” Half agree that it’s common for such material to be seen by people other than the intended recipient; a third of the boys and a quarter of the girls have looked at photos that weren’t intended to be shared. Often such pictures make the rounds after a break-up when one half of a young couple wants to embarrass the other.
Are these pictures homemade pornography? Or are they simply the inevitable result of high tech meeting adolescent curiosity about sex? Is distributing the pictures criminal behavior, bullying with a sexual dimension, or teen foolishness? Experts - and for that matter parents - answer those questions in different ways. No matter how you feel about this new development in adolescent courtship, there are some things you should discuss with your teen.
LEGAL MATTERS. Sending naked pictures of a minor - that’s anyone under 18 in most states - fits the legal description of distributing child pornography. That’s true whether the person sending the pictures is the classic dirty old man or a classmate playing a prank or someone who’s been dumped and wants revenge. Penalties vary but a child who posts or forwards such pictures to friends risks being charged with a misdemeanor or even a felony. In the worst case scenario, a teen could be added to a state list of Registered Sex Offenders which could have lifelong consequences.
SELF IMAGE. Today’s adolescents have grown up in a culture permeated with sexual images. As they start to have their own sexual feelings, it’s not surprising that they will feel confused about how to present themselves. Talk to your teen about the difference between being attractive and being provocative. One is perfectly acceptable in public; the other should be reserved for private. Then remind your child that digital photos are never private once they have been forwarded or posted.
FRIENDLY PHOTOS. Plenty of basic cell phones don’t take photos. Giving one of these to your teen will at least keep him or her from being the source of impulsive pictures. If your teen already has a smartphone that takes photos or, for that matter, a digital camera, talk about using it responsibly. Professional photographers get signed releases before they publish another person’s photo. Friends don’t need to go legal but they should use the same mental test. Would my friend give permission to have this photo distributed? Point out that friends don’t send compromising pictures of friends. If the other person isn’t your friend, why do you have his or her picture? Why does he or she have yours?
HARASSMENT HINTS. Many young women and some young men wind up sending naked pictures because they are pressured by a partner. Remind both boys and girls that someone who actually cares about them won’t push them into doing things that are uncomfortable. Introduce your child to www.Thatsnotcool.com, a public service website that helps kids handle all kinds of online harassment, including “pic pressure.” The site includes stories from young people who have made mistakes as well as edgy “callout cards” that teens can send to peers who don’t have a grip on digital boundaries.
Every generation discovers sex. Parents may want to keep their kids cloistered but that isn’t a very realistic strategy. What parents should do is encourage kids to slow down and think about their choices. Like so many other adolescent behaviors, sending a naked picture or video is something that is likely to be done in haste and repented at leisure. By talking frankly about why it’s a bad idea, parents are more likely to protect kids from the consequences of letting hormones override common sense.
Carolyn Jabs, M.A., has been writing about families and the Internet for over twenty years.